Miller, Will: Christian Counselling 01 ~ John 3:1

You turn with me, please, to a well-known portion of the Word of God, Gospel according to John chapter three. John chapter three and at verse one. There was a man of the Pharisees named Nicodemus, a ruler of the Jews. The same came to Jesus by night and said unto him, Rabbi, we know that thou art a teacher come from God, for no man can do these miracles that thou doest except God be with him. Jesus answered and said unto him, Verily, verily, I say unto thee, except a man be born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God. Nicodemus saith unto him, How can a man be born when he is old? Can he enter the second time into his mother's womb and be born? Jesus answered, Verily, verily, I say unto thee, except a man be born of water and of the spirit, he cannot enter into the kingdom of God. That which is born of the flesh is flesh, and that which is born of the spirit is spirit. Marvel not that I said unto thee, ye must be born again. The wind bloweth where it willeth, and thou hearest the sound of it, but canst not tell from where it cometh and where it goeth. So is every one that is born of the Spirit. Nicodemus answered and said unto him, How can these things be? Jesus answered and said unto him, Art thou a teacher of Israel, and knowest not these things? Verily, verily, I say unto thee, We speak that which we do know and testify to that which we have seen, and you receive not our witness. If I have told you earthly things and you believe not, how shall you believe if I tell you heavenly things? And no man hath ascended up to heaven, but he that came down from heaven, even the Son of Man who is in heaven. And as Moses lifted up the serpent in the wilderness, even so must the Son of Man be lifted up, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish but have eternal life. John chapter four, reading at verse four. And he must needs go through Samaria. And I'm sure we know the story so well that I do not need to continue the reading at this point. Mark chapter ten and at verse thirty five. Mark ten and at verse thirty five. m And James and John, the sons of Zebedee, come unto him, saying, Master, we would that thou shouldest do for us whatever we shall desire. And he said unto them, What would ye that I should do for you? They said unto him, Grant unto us that we may sit one on thy right hand and the other on thy left hand in thy glory. But Jesus said unto them, Ye know not what ye ask. Can ye drink of the cup that I drink off, and be baptized with the baptism that I am baptized with? And they said unto him, We can. And Jesus said unto them, Ye shall indeed drink of the cup that I drink off, and with the baptism that I am baptized shall ye be baptized. But to sit on my right hand and on my left hand is not mine to give, but it shall be given to them for whom it is prepared. And when the ten heard it, they began to be much displeased with James and John. But Jesus called them to him and saith unto them, You know what they who are ac- accounted to rule over the Gentiles exercise lordship over them and their great ones exercise authority upon them. But so it shall not be among you. But whosoever would be great among you shall be your minister or servant, and whosoever of you would be the chiefest shall be servant of all. For even the Son of Man came not to minister, be ministered unto, but to minister, and he give his life a ransom for many. Now we're turning to the Gospel according to Luke chapter ten. Luke chapter ten. We shall read at verse thirty eight. Luke ten and at verse thirty eight. Now it came to pass as they went that he, that is Jesus, entered into a certain village, and a certain woman named Martha received him into her house. And she had a sister called Mary, who also sat at Jesus' feet and heard his word. But Martha was cumbered about much serving, and came to him and said, Lord, dost thou not care that my sister hath left me to serve alone? Bid her therefore that she help me. And Jesus answered and said unto her, Martha, Martha, thou art anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is needful, and Mary hath chosen that good part which shall not be taken away from her. And finally, in chapter nineteen, Luke chapter nineteen, Reading at verse one. And Jesus entered and passed through Jericho. And behold, there was a man named Zacchaeus, who was the chief among the tax collectors, and he was rich. And he sought to see Jesus who he was, and could not because of the crowd, for he was little of stature. And he ran ahead and climbed up into a sycamore tree to see him, for he was to pass that way. And when Jesus came to the place, he looked up and saw him and said unto him, Zacchaeus, make haste and come down, for today I must abide at thy house. And he made haste and came down and received him joyfully. And when they saw it, they all murmured, saying that he was gone to be guest with a man that is a sinner. And Zacchaeus stood and said unto the Lord, Behold, Lord, the half of my goods I give to the poor, and if I have taken anything from any man by false accusation, I restore him fourfold. And Jesus said unto him, this day is salvation come to this house, for as much as he also is a son of Abraham. For the Son of Man is come to seek and to save that which was lost. May the Lord bless to us this reading from his holy word. This evening, I wish to speak to you on the subject of Christian counseling. Now, there have been many books published in recent years on the matter of counseling. The books that I strongly recommend are those written by Dr. Jay Adams. The reason why I can commend Dr. Adams' writings without reservation is the fact that he deals with the biblical approach to counseling and how to apply biblical truths in connection with this particular ministry. Dr. G. Adams has said that there is within the covers of the Word of God every answer to every question, every solution to every problem, every provision for every need. Now, of course, we know that many people today are interested in attending counseling seminars, and I think that much benefit can often be derived from this particular interest. However, I think we must be exceedingly careful that we do not ever tend to depart from the teaching of the Word of God. It's possible for us to be involved in certain types of methodology which will not strengthen the faith of the Christian and will not necessarily bring any kind of spiritual illumination to those who are in darkness. Now, this evening I want to deal with the subject of counseling. First of all, the pattern in counseling, then secondly, the principles in counseling, and thirdly, the practical implications in counseling. First of all, then, the pattern in counseling. Isaiah nine verse six speaks of the fact of the Lord Jesus Christ as the child born and the son given. Then you'll remember we read the words, and his name shall be called Wonderful, Counselor, the Mighty God, the Everlasting Father, the Prince of Peace. He is wonderful because of his grace. He is the counselor because of his guidance. He is the mighty God because of his greatness. He is the everlasting Father because of his guardianship, and he is the Prince of Peace because of his glory. But let us think of his ministry as the counselor. David could write in Psalm number sixteen verse seven, Thou hast given me counsel. Then he refers to the paths of life, ultimately leading to the presence of joy. David's musical composer and the director of his choir, Asaph, wrote the seventy third Psalm, and in verse twenty four he says, "Thou shalt guide me with thy counsel and afterward receive me to glory. Concerning the children of Israel, we read in Psalm one hundred and six verse thirteen that they waited not for the counsel of the Lord. Proverbs twelve verse ten says, he that hearketh unto counsel is wise. To counsel a person is to give advice, seeking to solve problems, to meet needs, to correct mistakes, and if possible, to change lives. I suppose that I spend upwards of thirty hours every week in counseling with our students at the Washington Bible College. So that is a good proportion of my time. This past semester I've been teaching five courses. Then I have to attend a number of committee meetings relating to student matters. But the work that I enjoy very much indeed is to sit down with students and talk to them personally and confidentially about matters that concern them. Of course, I've all kinds of questions asked and all quite kind of requests made, and it's very interesting indeed to just find out what young people are thinking about in many cases today. And I have found that the application of the truths of the Word of God will always help in rectifying mistakes that are made, in changing lives, and bringing joy and encouragement to hearts. We read various scriptures from the New Testament this evening, and the reason I read those with you was for the purpose of seeing certain examples in respect to the pattern in counseling. First of all, we have the case of a man who came to the Lord to ask questions at a very late hour. Now, many of us who are in counseling, I'm sure would have been tempted to say, can you not come back at some time tomorrow? The hour is very late. I've had a very busy day, which the Lord could have said, but the Lord Jesus Christ was always available and always accessible to people who had needs. This man was respectable, he was responsible, he was religious, but he had not at that point been regenerated. We think in terms of Nicodemus not having a great deal of knowledge. He certainly had a very imperfect knowledge of the Old Testament scriptures as a leader and teacher of his people. Nevertheless, there is one thing which we observe that he did know. He recognized that the Lord Jesus Christ was a teacher who had come from God. Now, I believe that in the counseling situation, this is the first and most important essential, that those who come to us for the advice that we seek to give may recognize in us men and women who have come from God. Nicodemus, of course, came with many questions. And the Lord Jesus Christ was able to bring the necessary information to him for his spiritual needs. The Savior did not bypass his questions. He did not go on talking and not face up to the questions that were being asked. And I think it is very important in all counseling sessions that we are prepared to listen to the questions that people are asking, because except we listen and hear what is being asked, we will not be able to provide the information that is necessary to help that person in their particular needs. Then, of course, you'll note that the Lord Jesus Christ was willing to give an explanation to, uh, Nicodemus. He was puzzled and perplexed concerning matters with which, of course, he should have been familiar if he had studied the book of Ezekiel. But apparently, somehow he had overlooked the teaching of that book. Nevertheless, the Lord was patient with him and sought to give him words of explanation so that everything would be made as clear as possible in his mind. Now we use terminology in the Christian context that we feel that other people should be able to understand fully. And of course, sometimes we tend to look at a person who is not following along with us as being somewhat slow in the uptake, or even somewhat stupid. Now, that must never be our attitude in dealing with people, even although we may think the person has not the grasp of certain things that he or she should have, we must never at any time give the impression that we are impatient, that we are trying to correct something, uh, in the person at that particular time when it may be necessary for us just to listen to the individual, to the counselee, and as we do so, we will learn much concerning the background and the needs that may be disturbing him or her. So the explanation should lead to the application. Then you will note that the Lord Jesus Christ gave illustrations to bring the spiritual illumination that was necessary, and I think good illustrations can be used to good advantage. We must always make sure of our facts in giving illustrations. The Lord used two good illustrations from the Old Testament. He referred to the wind, symbolical of the work of the Holy Spirit, which, of course, we read of in Ezekiel chapter thirty seven, and how new life comes as a result of the ministry of the Holy Spirit. Then the Lord Jesus referred to what took place as recorded in Numbers chapter twenty one. and as Moses lifted up the serpent in the wilderness, even so must the Son of Man be lifted up, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have eternal life. Now, illustrations in counseling can be exceedingly useful and helpful in certain cases. We must never, of course, quote from case histories that would in any, in any way break any confidence of any kind, but illustrations that will help us in clarifying certain problems and meeting certain needs can be most useful. Now, the Lord Jesus Christ is talking to a ruler, a religious ruler at that, and you will note that his subject here is the kingdom of God. Then we pass on to John chapter four, and Here is the case of a woman who had a need to be met. Now, in both John chapter three and John chapter four, we have good examples of personal witnessing, how to lead a soul to a personal faith in Jesus Christ. The subject in John chapter four is the gift of God. And you will see, as we noted in verse four of the chapter, that this was a meeting by divine appointment. He must needs go through Samaria. Now, I want you to notice here the quality of friendliness which we see displayed in the life of the Lord Jesus Christ. He asked a favor of this woman, give me to drink. Then he offered her a gift. He demonstrated concern. He showed interest, understanding, patience, compassion, and love. If we're going to get close to any person and give that person the needed assistance that is required, we must, of necessity, be friendly disposed to that individual. People will not talk about personal problems with strangers whom they do not know and are unable at that point to really trust. But if we have established a friendship with the person, and that individual knows that you are someone that can be trusted, then the counselee will open up to you, and you will be able to learn much that can prove to be helpful in dealing with the various situations. Not only is there the quality of friendliness, but there is also the necessity of faithfulness. The Lord Jesus Christ recognized this woman's need. He revealed her past. He reminded her of a responsibility to God. Now, these are very important matters in counseling sessions. There is the necessity of faithfulness, of speaking directly to that individual, of applying spiritual truths in a way that will meet the need just where it is. And then, of course, always reminding the person of his or her responsibility to God. Then, of course, we also hear, see here the certainty of forgiveness. The Lord Jesus Christ said to that woman, I that speak unto thee am he, referring to the fact that he was indeed the Messiah, the Savior of the world. We must always rest upon the word of God, and the certainty of forgiveness is something that must be emphasized in cases where this appears to be the problem. Many people will come to you with a sense of deep guilt. They will come to you to confess some things in the past that have grievously disturbed them. And we must be willing to deal patiently and lovingly with such people and to show them that there is forgiveness with the Lord, and that forgiveness is complete. I have recommended to some of our student counselors the use of a pad in dealing with certain cases, and writing down some things that are going to be committed to the Lord in prayer, matters perhaps that call for divine forgiveness. And then I've said to the student counselors, you just read that over to your counselee to make sure that you have all the facts clearly stated. Then make that the subject of prayer to the Lord. Read it over in prayer to the Lord, and then say, now we have committed it to the Lord. The matter's settled, isn't it? We apply the appropriate scriptures, such as First John one and nine and other verses, showing that if we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. And then we can get rid of that piece of paper, destroy it completely, either burn it or make sure it's disposed of entirely. That's the end of it. God has heard, has he not? God has promised that he will forgive, and so this should be the end of the matter. Take your burden to the Lord, and as the hymn says, leave it there. Then we have the case of two men, James and John, two of the disciples who came to the Lord Jesus Christ to make an unreasonable request. You'll remember that they were very ambitious, and Matthew's account would suggest that their mother was really behind this idea. She had high hopes for her two bright boys, and she wanted one of them to sit on the right hand side of Christ in his time and kingdom, and the other to sit on the left hand side. And so they came with this request. Now, it's very interesting, is it not, to note how the Lord Jesus Christ dealt with this situation. How would we deal with a request of this nature? Such an unreasonable and impossible kind of thing to ask. The Lord Jesus did not say to them, now look here, sit down, you two men. You need a real straight lecture. You need to be put right on this. No. He was most reasonable in the midst of unreasonableness. He was so patient in the face of impatience. He was loving even when people were inconsiderate and demanding. The Lord Jesus Christ, in effect, said, well, what is the nature of your desire? What do you want? And I think this is a very important matter to discuss as we sit down with a counselee. What is the nature of your desire, or it may be your need or your problem? You will note that, of course, James and John, when asked this question, said, do for us whatever we shall desire. So the first question is, what is the nature of the desire, the need, or the problem? What is it? Let's identify it first. Then, what does the Lord want us to do about it, is the second question. The Lord said, as we note in verse thirty eight of Mark ten, ye know not what ye ask. But we think of this one, what does the Lord want us to do about it? And then the third question, when, where, and how should we begin? We should ask ourselves, or the counselee, as the case may be, to ask himself or herself the question, what is my present attitude to real values in life? What is my present attitude to real values in life? Where am I really going? Have I got the right goals? I heard of a tourist who went to visit Ireland, and, uh, he was riding in a jaunting car, and as they traveled along, very quickly indeed, he turned to the driver and he said, say, Pat, where are we going? Sure, sir, he says, I don't know, but we're going at a great pace. Now, if we're just going at a great pace without real and definite goals in view, then, of course, our lives will be entirely unfulfilled and unsatisfying. In this particular section of Mark chapter ten, the Lord taught his disciples that the way up is really the way down, that service is more to be desired than success, and that the grace of humility is more important than the place of authority. So what the Lord Jesus Christ is emphasizing here is the will of God for our lives, and if we are going to achieve the utmost in regard to our spiritual prosperity and success, then we must have clearly defined and God-given goals. It's important that we sit down with a person and analyze and consider the goals in life. What are you hoping to achieve? Where are you really heading? What are you hoping to accomplish? Case number four, A woman who came with a complaint and a problem to be solved. And here we note the emphasis is upon the word of God. Martha faced the problem of priorities. She came to the Lord Jesus in the home, complaining that she was left to serve alone. The Lord Jesus Christ pointed out to Martha that her sister Mary had chosen that good part that would not be taken away from her. And you will note that the Savior said to Martha on that occasion, one thing is needful. And that one thing is needful is, as given there, is this, that the word should come before the work, that it is more important that we spend time in the word of God than even giving ourselves to the work of God. There should always be, as I indicated in an earlier message, this balance between study of the scriptures and the service of the Lord. But as I said this morning when speaking to the staff, one of my students some time ago gave me a card with these words on it. Never be so busy in the work of the Lord that you forget the Lord of the work. Martha was occupied with the many things instead of with the main thing. And yet, at the death of Lazarus, it was Martha who said, I know that even now, whatsoever thou shalt ask of God, he shall give it thee. There at the grave of her brother, the Lord Jesus Christ pointed out to Martha that believing is seeing. And so, in dealing with the situation that Martha was facing, the Lord Jesus Christ showed her that his interests must always come first in everything. And as we read John chapter twelve verse two, we believe that Martha learned these important lessons in respect to priorities, and that from then on she served the Lord without any murmuring or complaining. Now, Dr. G. Adams has recommended that we prepare a list with three columns in it. That we list, first of all, the things that we would desire to accomplish. Here we write down the real and true desires of our heart. That's column one. Then from that column, you select certain things that you believe should be priorities, and under the heading priorities, you list these in order as to what you really feel are the most important things for you to set as your goals. And then in the third column, things that you would like to see eliminated completely from your life. Things that you deeply desire, things that you consider should be prior claims, and then the things that you wish to have completely eliminated. Our fifth example is of a man who was concerned about his way of life and wanted to be different. We have the record here in Luke chapter nineteen. The Lord knew who this man was. His name, of course, was given by the Lord without even an introduction. I try as hard as I can at the college to remember the names of our five hundred or so students. I tell you, it's a great assignment, and I just keep on jogging my memory all the time, but I do my very best to remember names. I think this is very important if you're really going to get close to people. If you can call them by name, it's a great help. The Lord did this. He knew who this person was. He knew this man's name. He knew his nature, and he knew his need. Then the Lord also knew where he was. Not only in regard to his position, we know, of course, he was up that tree, but also his condition. As they sometimes say, I wonder where that person is at. And that refers more to a condition than to a position, to know where the person is. Remember, as the Lord gave the parable of the Good Samaritan, he said that that Good Samaritan came to where the man was. He got close to the individual. And then the Lord knew what Zacchaeus could become by his grace. I want to make a statement here that I consider to be very important and most fundamental in all counseling. Change can only come in the presence of felt need. Change can only come in the presence of felt need. Until that person realizes his or her need, you cannot do really anything to bring the help that is necessary. You know that in dealing with a person who is unsaved. Until there is the awareness or consciousness of sin, until there's the willingness to repent of sin, there cannot be true salvation accomplished. And so it was here with this man, because the Lord Jesus Christ is emphasizing here the salvation of God. This day has salvation come to this house. Then in verse ten we have the well-known verse, for the Son of Man has come to seek and to save those who are lost. Zacchaeus decided and determined to be different. And my dear friends, it is true to say that no person need ever remain the way that he or she is. Change is possible, but change can only be accomplished in the presence of felt need. We must know there is a need and be willing to follow through with it if we are going to get the greatest possible help. I'm going to deal briefly with the principles in counseling, and then I'm going to finish for tonight. I'll pick up tomorrow morning. The principles in counseling relate, first of all, to the authority of the Word of God, secondly, to the ability of the Spirit of God, and thirdly, to the availability of the man or woman of God. First of all, the authority of the Word of God. Now, when we were studying in two Timothy chapter three, I passed quickly over verses fifteen through seventeen because we'd run out of time. But I would like to look at those things which are spoken of as being profitable. First of all, for doctrine or teaching. This relates to a guide to life and living. I believe, dear friends, with Dr. G. Adams, that we have all the resources within this book that we'll ever need in any counseling situation. We hear people talk about individuals requiring professional help, and I think I know what that means, but I believe that the Word of God, properly applied, can deal with hearts and lives, and can make people what God intended they should be for his glory and praise. Profitable for teaching, a guide to life and living. Profitable for reproof. This is to convict and convince because of the accuracy of the evidence which is produced as the word of God is applied. Then there comes conviction through the means of the ministry of the Spirit of God. The person will realize that this is a sin in his or her life. We must never gloss over anything and refer to it as a sickness when really and truly it is a sin before God. There should be conviction. There should be the production of the evidence from the word of God that will affect this kind of response. Then for correction, which means a change and an improvement in conduct. This again is where there has to be the exercise of faithfulness. There are people who need to be corrected. They need to be shown where they have gone wrong. They need to be shown what the Word of God really teaches. All this has to be done in a true spirit of love. But nevertheless, we must apply the Word of God to correct these wrongs. Then for instruction in righteousness, that is for training and discipline in right living, and this is where the authority of the Word of God plays such a vital and important part in all counseling. Then, of course, the ability of the Spirit of God. The Lord Jesus Christ spoke of the Holy Spirit in John fourteen seventeen and in other verses as the Spirit of truth. Then in John fifteen twenty six concerning the Holy Spirit, the Lord says, he shall testify of me, revealing truths concerning the Lord Jesus Christ. Then in John sixteen verses seven through eleven, he speaks of his work as reproving or convicting the world of sin, of righteousness, and of judgment. And in John sixteen thirteen, the Lord says that the Holy Spirit will guide you into all truth. The authority of the Word of God, the ability of the Spirit of God, and as believers in Christ, we must la- rely implicitly upon the indwelling Holy Spirit to direct us and to enable us to impart that kind of instruction and give that counsel that God is able to use and bless in solving problems and overcoming difficulties and in meeting needs. And then the availability of the man or woman of God. Second Timothy three seventeen indicates that we have all the necessary equipment in the Word of God, and if we, as men and women of God, will make ourselves available in this ministry and seek, under the direction of the Holy Spirit, to use the wisdom that can only come from above, then I'm sure we shall be able to help and encourage many others in their Christian life and service. This can be a most rewarding, although a very demanding ministry, but it is only as we are ever and always in close touch with the Lord that we can do any real purpose, serve him in this ministry in an acceptable and worthwhile manner. May the Lord bless his word for his name's sake.